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Are you watching? Good. Because this is me, not panicking six games into the 2009/10 hockey season.

See? I’m breathing deeply, sleeping well and eating full, balanced meals. I’m drinking delicious Canadian beer in reasonable quantities and am not under any circumstances swigging straight from the bottle of American whiskey and cursing at my television set for Todd Bertuzzi to hit one of these goddamn motherfuckers already.

Nope. Not me. I am the picture of serenity. You know why? Because this is the fucking preseason. I’m sorry, but it is.

I know that if you asked Mike Babcock if this was the preseason, he would first glare at you like you were too stupid to be drawing breath, then roll his eyes heavenward in the same manner he does when Jason Williams is attempting to utilize a hockey skill that Babcock has termed “backchecking”, and finally he would tell you in no uncertain terms that these games count for the same amount of points as games in March and that the Red Wings must approach every one of them with the same attitude.

And he’d be lying to you. And he’d know it, so you should know it.

Hockey is a physically demanding, emotionally taxing, psychologically gruelling sport. You have to psych yourself up to take the hit, then you have to take the hit to make the play, then you have to convince yourself that taking that hit to get the puck out of your zone in the first period of an October game against the Sabres was so definitely worth it that you’ll do it again 30 seconds later.

Then you have to do it again two nights later against the Kings. And then again and again and again until the playoffs finally start, at which point you have to do it some more, only with fewer mistakes and while taking harder hits.

And you’ve been doing this the maximum amount of times it is possible to do this for two years straight.

So yeah … you’re not as committed right now. Your teammates aren’t as committed right now and in all likelihood, with the Olympics looming, neither is the coach.

And I am relaxed, because this is a positive thing.

Last year, the Red Wings coasted through parts of the regular season, but only some of them — Osgood, Cleary, Filppula, Zetterberg (though he had injury issues) — were visibly not performing to the best of their ability. As well, some of them — Helm, Ericsson, Leino and Abdelkader in particular — weren’t even on the team most of the time. There were, however, a solid group of Winged Warriors who were determined to follow the coach’s mantra of giving it their all every single game and treating the October games as though they were just as important as the April ones.

Those guys? Datsyuk, Lidstrom, Holmstrom, Rafalski, Draper…

Hey, wait a sec. That sounds like a list of the guys who were either unavailable or less effective in the later rounds of the playoffs, costing the Wings an easy victory over a top-heavy Penguins squad and the glory of back-to-back championships.

And who were the surprisingly solid players involved in that playoff run? Well, I remember Osgood silencing doubters and Dan Cleary winning a few fans. I remember Helm and Ericsson opening eyes and Leino looking fairly dangerous everytime that hungry — and rested — dog was let out of his pen. Why do you think that could be?

Do you think that playing two full seasons and two full playoffs of all-out hockey with the pressure of carrying on the winning tradition of the Winged Wheel every single fucking night might have taken a small toll on some guys, and the more relaxed atmosphere of Grand Rapids or the lackadaisical work ethic of Osgood and Cleary might have left them with a little more gas in the tank?

Yeah. Probably.

So I don’t care. I’m good with it. This hockey — from now until, say, January 30 — is the preseason. Fuck everything else. Pavel’s stomach hurts? Sit him. Zetterberg’s groin is wonky? Tell him to stay home and have Emma work on it. Nick Lidstrom’s wife wants him to go to Disneyland with the kids for a week? Buy him a plane ticket and some sunscreen and tell him you’ll see him bright and early next Monday. Franzen needs surgery? Perfect. Let him work that shit back into shape sloooooowly. He should play his first game no earlier than March 15.

I know it’s not conventional wisdom, and many will tell you that it didn’t work last year. But it did work last year. The team just didn’t embrace this concept enough. They’ve already proven that they’re a veteran group capable of turning it on when the games count, so let them do that. Save their bodies and minds for when it matters. Let me sit back, drink beer and watch a .500 hockey team … at least until the season starts on Jan. 31.