Wednesday, June 10th, 2009...11:23 am
Just kill me now
I’m really expected to wait patiently for two whole days until I can watch, gripping a tumbler of something only a little less potent than rubbing alcohol, my team play a Game 7 for the Stanley Cup?
What kind of retarded, egomaniacal, business-destroying, nerve-antagonizing, sport-ruining, monkey-faced joke of a businessman decided that was a good idea?
Right. Bettman. Of course.
Ugh. Not fun. (DFP photo)
I am purposefully going to avoid watching the NHL Network or visiting nhl.com for the next two days, to make the point, however pathetic, that waiting an extra day for a game I really never wanted to watch anyway is unforgivable. We began this series with back-to-back games, that I also complained about, and now we’re ending it by stretching the final puck drop as far into June as possible?
How in the fuck does anyone with half a brain think this is a good idea?
Right. Bettman. Forgot. Sorry.
Regardless, the puck will drop when it drops, and I’ll tune in with the other diehards who can’t help but love the sport Bettman is trying hard to ruin. So really, I should just shut up, take my lumps and be happy I don’t live in Phoenix or cheer for the Maple Leafs.
The Pittsburgh Penguins, meanwhile, deserve some credit. And I would give it to them too, if only their fans weren’t such douchebags all the time.
I know this problem. I’ve seen it and encountered it before. And I feel I should warn Penguins fans about it, before it’s too late:
The fans reflect on the team, and the amount of respect it gets. The penchant of some Red Wings fans to be arrogant douchebags (note — there’s a big difference between being confident your team can lay waste to any opponent and being aggressively assholish about that fact) has undoubtedly cost the Wings some acknowledgement in the past.
A good fan loves his team, hates the opponent of the moment, watches every playoff game knowing that disaster could strike at any moment, and copes with this knowledge by either pacing and yelling at the TV or remaining in the fetal position while whimpering softly in strange tongues … and finding a way to drink heavily while doing either one.
That pacing-yelling-drinking-waiting-for-disaster, by the way? I’ve come to know that as the A2Y Shuffle.
But A2Y is a special brand of neurotic fan — confident and arrogant while also terrified and vulnerable. But for the most part, those guys are the best Wings fans I’ve ever encountered, online or elsewhere. If your team is good, they’ll respect you while they hate you. If your team sucks, they’ll rub it in, but in a way that almost feels good-natured, like big brother giving you a noogie.
But man, the Internet is also rife with asshole Wings fans, so much so that I sometimes cringe when I see their posts on general hockey sites or run into them in chatrooms or even in real life at various bars.
So I say this to the Pens fans, on PensBlog and elsewhere: You’ve got a good team. Two superstars. Some nice young players. Class act of a PP QB defenceman.
Stop being dicks.
More than any other fanbase this spring, I’ve wondered what the hell is wrong with these guys. They’re making jokes about Vladimir Konstantinov and Jiri Fischer, running their yaps about who is old and tired and then turning around and talking shit about Wings fans? Really?!
For a fanbase that claims to hate “asshole Wings fans” they’re doing a very credible imitation of the worst among them.
Anyway, this is a terrible idea for a post, because I know I’ve either pissed off my fellow Wings fans or I’m going to end up with hateful mail from rapid Pensbloggers, and that wasn’t the point. This was:
This series has been the best Stanley Cup Final I can remember watching. It’s had everything. It’s been tight. Both teams are awesome. The lines are stacked with stars. The play has been physical, occasionally hateful, but always skilled. Neither coach is whining or working the refs. It’s pretty great hockey.
I hate that there’s a game on Friday and would rather curl up into a ball and die than endure the six hours leading up to the puck drop, but it’s been a great series.
So how about we all just get along and agree that Gary Bettman is a nutjob schmuck with ugly, stubby fingers dead set on ruining the best game on the planet, both teams are incredibly talented and will likely both be back here again and the Wings are absolutely going to smoke Sidney Crosby and her teammates on Friday and restore order in the hockey universe?
We can all agree on that, right?
Oh Dear God. How much do you think it costs to hire an anesthesiologist to just put me under for the next 56 hours?
UPDATE: The comments on this are interesting, with a whole bunch of sane, knowledgeable Penguins fans making honest observations about their team and its fans, with a whole bunch of jerkoff ‘OMG! Ur A FAG!!’ teenage virgins sprinkled in. Cool.
Just for the record — I spent the first three years of Crosby’s career (and you can probably find this stuff in the archives somewhere) defending him to Ovechkin boosters. It’s only after all the yapping and the dives that I started to sour on him, and even that probably wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t the Wings he was facing in the final. To sum up — amazing world-class talent, questionable character (in my opinion) though he is still very young. And I can only hope he grows into the shoes of his favourite player.
Pens fans, you do realize that Sidney grew up idolizing Stevie Yzerman, right? Just so we’re clear, he’s got a long way to go before he gets there. But I hope he does, just not on Friday.
32 Comments
June 10th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Wooo. Our goal is to piss people off enough to make a blogpost about it. Thanks for the laughs.
June 10th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
You’re welcome guys. I actually like the Pensblog, though a lot of the comments really do remind me of the exact same sort of stuff you complain about in Red Wings fans.
But then, hypocrisy is all part of the wonderful NHL playoff package, right? Just like when Sidney Crosby complains about people yapping and diving……
Enjoy Game 7, but hopefully not the end of it!
June 10th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Son,
You say you wish to be under but you forget that I always seem to catch you on your knees under Uncle Chris. After his tough games in the crease, he needs your expertise. You help him get through the games. No stop whining and you will be able to help him after the loss in 56 hours. If you need practice, go over to Cousin Drapers.
Sincerely,
Mom
June 10th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
People just don’t understand Penguins fans. We are a very passionate bunch. What other team has 5,000 fans in the rain watching a hockey game on a big screen?
We take tons of SHIT about Crosby. Whether we think its warranted or not we protect our investment. He is OUR leader and captain, so we will stick with him through thick and thin.
What other teams fans will do that? Maybe Ovie in Washington, but they couldn’t get him in the starting lineup for the All-Star game!!
June 10th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
3 things:
1: you cant spell kris draper without kid raper
2:detroit sucks
3:this blog sucks and detroit sucks
We’re not dicks, just real fans kid
June 10th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Not to mention, we’ve never jobbed you or your blog until you jobbed us first.
YOUR BEST PLAYER IS A TRAITOR
GO PENS
June 10th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Awww shit, I got linked. I knew this would happen.
Anyway, not jobbing anyone who doesn’t deserve it. There’s tons of great Pens fans (like the ones who show up 5,000 strong in the rain to watch — and both fanbases got fucked by NBC on that one) just like there are tons of great Wings fans…
But having been a Wings fan for longer than they’ve been winning Cups, I can tell you this: The better this young Pens team gets, the more bandwagon jumpers the true fans will have to deal with.
And bandwagon jumpers don’t understand the concept of following a team through ups and down (you’ll recognize them as the ones who were posting on Pensblog that the season was over after Saturday night’s loss and calling out the players), and they tend to be arrogant and douchebaggy and give the rest of your team’s fans a bad name.
I’d be willing to bet they’ll be a few commenting here before it’s all said and done. They’re a vocal little band of front-running chumps… and they need to sit down and shut the hell up and let the real fans discuss hockey and talk trash like civilized adults and loyal fans.
June 10th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
and they need to sit down and shut the hell up and let the real fans discuss hockey and talk trash like civilized adults and loyal fans.
That wouldn’t be the internet then…..
June 10th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Pens fan coming in peace. I think one of the reasons that Pen’s fans have been on the offensive with Wings fan is due to the level of fan that we’ve been dealing with all playoff. Having a series against Philly and Washington means that you have to deal with their fans, the worst in the NHL. That is how we were prepared for the series, so we aren’t used to dealing with fans that actually have watched hockey for more than twenty minutes at a time. I have to believe that’s why the Pen’s fans came out with all guns blazing. That being said, there are still asshole pens fans as there are asshole wings fans. Let’s just be thankful that there is a game seven and let’s hope it’s a great one.
June 10th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
You like to touch little boys
June 10th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
you suck dick
June 10th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
It’s time to drop the puck, so you all know what that means……
ITZ THYME TWO PLAE HOGGY!
June 10th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
A lot of the jobbing and crap that the most raucous Penguins fans dish out is usually in response to stuff thrown our way. There’s a lot of backlash against Crosby and the Penguins throughout the league so as devoted fans that care and want to stick up for our team, we aren’t ones to just turn the other cheek.
Every fan base has their good fans and their retards, bandwagoners, homers, and hypocrites (like people that whine about about Crosby’s whining.)
I’m a regular devotee of Pensblog — win or lose, we are just our own breed crassness and craziness. It’s just part of the madness and I wouldn’t take it too seriously.
June 10th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Its called satire morons
June 10th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I just wanted to add a couple of things to what Ronnie’s Lott said. I agree with that post, but also have a couple of other reasons that the Pens fans have come out so fiercely against Detroit and it’s fans. First off, we had high hopes for our team last year, only to be wiped out in 6 games in the finals by Detroit. And then, when we were still licking our wounds from that, they took one of our players that we really wanted to resign. So add that with what Lott said, yeah, we have some bad will towards Detroit. I think if you had seen us go up against anyone else in the finals (seing as we already beat Philly and Washington) you would have seen a different sort of Pens fan in the final. would we have still been crass and crazy? Sure, but with us playing Detroit… well, that just took it to the next level.
June 10th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Since all good things come in threes, I’ll offer four points:
1. Laying down a broad-brush stroke like “Pens fans” or “Wings fans” is akin to saying “You Americans/Canadians/Europeans are all alike…” Given the above-average intelligence suggested by your ideas and writing style, I think you know better. No organization would, or could, take responsibility for the conduct of anyone who decides they’re associated with it.
2. Of course our fanbase is replete with asshole jobbers, johnny-come-latelys, homers, and people who just plain like to get drunk and yell (not to mention anonymously slander other folks on the internet). Find me one that isn’t. And that includes yours.
3. Pittsburgh and Detroit are both Rust Belt cities with scattered native populations eager to defend their hometown against any verbal bashing, even and especially that concerning organized sports. Any chatter is good, particularly when it involves the Best Game There Is, one that we all want to see enjoy the respect and popularity it so obviously deserves.
4. Pens in 7. And you, sir, can kindly go get fucked.
June 10th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I love pensblog. I will agree the konstantinov(spelling?) jokes were in poor taste. It’s ok to make fun of someone like Danny Heatley, because he is responsible for the death of another human, but Konstantinov did nothing to deserve what happened to him except expect the limo driver to not be drunk. So out of the gate i will agree with you on that.
However, you have to take into account we have a team that is constantly mocked and probably the most hated player in hockey, Crosby. (why I do not know) so naturally we are defensive and feel it our responsibility to mock back or job people. can you blame us? Sure some fans are dicks but the vast majority of pens nation are good people and loyal hockey fans, as good as any other city. As a poster said earlier, what other fan based has 7,000 fans sit OUTSIDE the arena to watch the game on a big screen?
I take issue with another part of your article you claim babcock hasn’t bitched about the refs. Have you watched post game interviews?
If Pens win it is the refs, if the wings win it is because of their overwhelming depth talent and professionalism(this phrase is used every other sentence on A2Y).
I will agree, wholeheartedly, that this is probably the best stanley cup series i have ever seen. these teams are equally matched. I don’t know if either team can claim it is the better team, however the team that plays better on friday will have a legitimate claim to it.
June 10th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
How dare this team of upstarts not curl up and die like the Blue jackets and Blackhawks did? Didn’t they get the memo? The Wings are too deep, too talented, too skilled, and too confident to be beaten. We alone have the only non-goalie player who can cover the puck with a glove in the crease. We took the traitor..er.. superstar Mary Hossa from them. We know how to interfere, hold and hook and get the no-call in the playoffs.
WE ARE THE RED WINGS DAMMIT!!!
We are ENTITLED to the Cup, who are these kids and this rookie coach to DARE take us to a Game Seven?!?
bite me.
Go Pens.
June 10th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
For most of this post, you seem to be one of the most logical and least arrogant Red Wings fans I’ve ever encountered online or in real life. Then, you refer to Sidney Crosby and “her” teammates, and I realize I must have been wrong.
Before you accuse me of hypocrisy (as I am an avid fan of the Pensblog) or of being unable to take a joke, let me identify the difference between what you did with refering to Sid as a “her” and what the Pensblog does in its jobbing of opposing players and fans. The Pensblog is satire. Your post here is not.
Does The Pensblog sometimes make me shake my head and groan when they occasionally come close to crossing the line between offensive and not offensive? Definitely. Am I still smiling and/or laughing and feeling guilty about it? Also definitely!
Sorry for the long post. Keep up the good work minus the Sidney bashing.
June 10th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Well, perhaps I’m biased as I only know one “real-life” Redwings fan, but it seems to me that it’s pretty dicky to go around to a bunch of different blogs and post either ignorant or purposefully irritating blogs. Such is the life of a troll. As a regular reader of Pensblog, most of the stuff on there is uplifting, motivating, or “let’s get this done and win”. I rarely see a Pens fan on those sites talking shit like the Wings fans. Will I admit that I said that the Wings looked old and tired out after game 4? Hell yes, I did. Did I make jokes about Lidstrom falling on the ice and breaking a hip? Yes, yes I did. Did I post it on the internet (besides now, of course)? No. Can I admit that the Wings are a hell of a team and that this series has literally rocked my socks off? Yes. There’s the difference between asshole fans/trolls who don’t know what they’re talking about.
June 10th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
This article is trashier than that piece of shit place you call Detroit!!!! Plensblog rules, sorry if you get butt hurt for getting jobbed… Don’t worry about me being a teenage virgin either… Cause i’ll bang your mom, sister, and mom…. Suck it… Go Pens!!!!
June 10th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Okay, no one can talk shit about Pittsburgh fans -especially when comparing them to the Wings’ fans. I live in Detroit; every day I have to listen to the Detroit talk show hosts ramble on and on about how they’re team is way better than the Pens. Furthermore, I’ve been to the Joe to watch the SCF twice -this year and last. The fans there were horrible: bumping shoulders with us on the way out, screaming our faces when the Wings scored, and calling the “the most gracious losers we’ve ever seen!”. I know Pens fans can get a little out of hand, but there’s no way in hell they’re as bad as the ones in Detroit.
June 10th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
PENS WIN GAME 7 !
it’s going to be epic.
your best player is a pens fan.
imagine that.
June 10th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I don’t typically post on the internet, because with everyone being behind a screen, it’s very difficult to make a point without some douche “screaming” at you via keyboard. I’ve lived in Pittsburgh for all 24 years of my life, and we have LOTS of bandwagoners in football and hockey (Bucco’s? HA.) Every city has plenty of wagoners, and everyone will always single out the other team’s superstar(s) because it’s what you do. I like the post, at least how it’s written, and every fanbase of a good team is full of wagoners, but also there are plenty of knowledgeable fans, as you pointed out. Ignore the cockbags, enjoy the hockey.
Oh, and rockhopper, the whole “her” thing, it was a joke. I don’t feel like explaining it, but I chuckled at it. Lighten up, you read the pensblog and they job everyone just like South Park jobs everyone, with no discrimination.
Go Pens, the Wings suck balls. Lidstrom will break a hip.
June 10th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
@ Neilly: I live in Toronto, so my frame of reference is Leafs fans. Neither or our respective teams fans can approach that level of nutjobness.
@ Dirk: I know it’s much better to ignore all this shit, but that Vladdie shot got to me and I felt it was a special kind of bullshit that demanded response.
June 10th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
The Konstantinov shot was crass, to be sure, but you’re dealing with a website that regularly posts a picture of a Penguin crapping on the NBC logo. (Not undeserved, mind you.) This is not responsible journalism here, this is all out, hard core, do or die fandom. We’re Penguins fans and the people who read The Pensblog daily (such as myself) are the passionately made and the curiously insane.
All we want is a little Free Candy and, perhaps, some cotton candy heeeeeeeere!
The Vladdie reference was as funny as it was horrifying and that’s the fine line The Pensblog treads. They’re not politically correct but they’d be just as likely to congratulate someone about, say, a Myron Cope joke as anyone. They push the boundries, they job, they make us laugh and, more than anything, they disguise honest-to-Lemieux hockey analysis in dick & fart jokes.
Here’s my feeling about bandwagon fans. We were all bandwagon fans at one point but most of us didn’t have the internet on which to make asses of ourselves. I have hopes that most of the people posting ridiculous bullshit are merely young and will grow into being a responsible fan of their team.
That said, this has been a hell of a series and, indeed, a hell of a playoffs. Game seven can’t come soon enough, Bettman is a joke.
Let’s go Pens!
June 11th, 2009 at 12:07 am
Dear Blogger,
I hear what you’re saying. I’m a Pens fan and an avid pensblog reader, but I understand where you are coming from. But you have to understand, much of the Penguins fan base that goes around spamming the internet are just bandwagon fans that won’t even pay attention to the Pens when they are not winning, and won’t even tune into playoff coverage if the Pens get knocked out before the finals. Those are the people that you will see most often, not because there are more of them than true fans, but simply because they stick out like a black eye.
Although, thepensblog doesn’t deserve any blame. Sure they dish dirt out on everyone, and that probably gives an occasional reader the feeling that they can go out jobbing everyone themselves when they are unable to do so with any class.
That being said
My team is awesome
Your team wreaks of Osgood’s diapers
Go Pens
Christ, I could write a book…
June 11th, 2009 at 2:28 am
I agree with some points on your post and some I cannot agree with. I agree it is ridiculous that the Stanley Cup will be awarded on June 12th. Training camp starts in 90 days. Both the Pens and Wings will be at a disadvantage when the next season starts. But 28 other teams would love to be in our position.
What is it with the constant Bettman hate coming from Detroit? Is he perfect? Hell no. Is he a great commissioner? No. But he did preside over the reworking of the CBA and the rules changes. If you don’t think those 2 things have been major improvements over what was taking place in the NHL 6 years ago then we disagree. The salary cap has improved the ability of all teams to improve themselves quickly. The rules changes have spared us from watching the clutch and grab style that almost killed the sport in the 90’s. But his marketing and management of media coverage of the NHL have damaged the sport. Do you think John Ziegler was better? I don’t. Bettman is an improvement over him. But the NHL can do better. It’s easy to criticize him but we can give him some props also.
Now for your comments on us douchebag Pens fans. Talk about painting with a broad brush. Yes we have our fair share of douchebag fans just like the Wings do and just like EVERY other team in the league. You’re going to read Penguin fan blogs on the internet and base your opinion on that? Seriously? On the internet where there is ZERO accountability for what you write? Was it right any of the posts on those blogs to take shots at Vladimir Konstantinov and Jiri Fischer? No way in hell. That was ‘douchebaggish”. But the rest of the stuff on the Pensblog is exactly the same as what goes on at A2Y. Incessant crying about Cindy, the NHL conspiracy to make sure the Pens win the cup and the Bettman’s little boy postings at A2Y makes Wings fans look like the very same “douchebags” you call us.
Also I was in attendance for game 6 of the 2008 SCF. After the game I stayed for 25 minutes while the Wings paraded on our ice. I did not cheer but I did not boo either. I watched them out of respect for their accomplishment and for the Cup. Look at the pictures and videos from that night. About 15 thousand other Pens fans did the same. Afterwards the Wings players and management thanked the Pens fans for being so classy that night. But now we’re all douchebags because of what you read on a blog. That says more about your judgment that it says about our fans. Wings fans may (I think will) have a chance to show what class they have when we parade the Cup on your ice. Here’s hoping Wings fans don’t act like douchebags.
June 11th, 2009 at 8:13 am
“Stop being dicks.”
Tell the Red Wings fans to stop being egotistical bitches that assume they own everything that is hockey and should be catered to with every command.
Then I’ll stop being a dick.
June 11th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Man, you are hurting so bad it is making my coochie sore and I don’t even have one. Pens have the coolest team and the best fans in the sport of hockey. Maybe your not so upset as you are in awe.
June 11th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Truth be told, yep, right here you get some, no charge, on the house, straight up love it or leave it truth from a 51 year old veteran Wings Fan. Ready for it? Here it comes- WE ARE ALMOST ALL OF US NERVOUS!!!!!!. Okay, take it or leave it, it’s in the air, ANYTHING can happen in a game seven. Trust me please, we have had our FULL share of heartaches, disappointments, crushing blows after winning the President’s Trophy. WE KNOW LOSING, we don’t just not like it, WE HATE IT!!!!!! It hurts like hell, worst than a lousy dentist, worse than getting stood up by that hottie who said she liked you, worse than almost anything. But, tonight? Restless sleep. Tomorrow, coffee and bleary eyes. Game time? A double shot of Jose Cuervo to calm the frayed nerves. Get It? it is serious to many of us, more than it should be, but I said I would bring y’all some truth. One more faceted gem- Pittsburgh sucks, Crosby is a whiner.
March 22nd, 2010 at 9:18 am
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