Tuesday, April 28th, 2009...3:40 pm
New faces, old hate
Mr. Getzlaf, good to see you again. Mr. Niedermayer, it’s been too long. Mr. Pronger … don’t ever touch me. You’re an asshole.
It’s Ducks vs. Wings again, and I couldn’t be more excited, but things are a little different around here this time. We all still remember the epic battle we fought in 2007. Who could forget a series, and a selection of dangerous elbows aimed at heads, like that one?
Times change, and more importantly, rosters change. But there’s no hate like old hate. And man, do I fucking hate Chris Pronger and the rest of those band of neanderthals.
I will exclude Teemu Selanne, because he’s a legend. And J.S. Giguere, because he sucked all year and lost his job right after his father died, so I just feel bad for him.
The rest of them — hate. Not like the Sharks, whom I dislike because they have no heart, but whom I also secretly love because they made me look good by doing exactly what I told everyone they would do. Not like the Avalanche, whom I used to hate with the kind of intensity that supervillians have for the masked dude who foiled their schemes, but whom I now just pity because watching that franchise is like watching a young man with AIDS waste away.
I hate the Ducks like it was all fresh and new and I just met them the other day and then came home to find them banging my wife six hours after I shook their hand. I don’t care that we haven’t seen them since 2007. It feels like Chris Pronger was lining me up for an illegal elbow while I was walking to work yesterday.
And all of this is awesome, because I am sure that what the Ducks are thinking right now is the same thing they thought — and were pretty close to being right about — two seasons ago:
‘We can intimidate these guys. We can bang them and elbow them and hurt them. We can scare them into submission if we’re nasty enough.’
And that’s just totally awesome, because no. They can’t. They will be humiliated if they try. They don’t know that yet, but they’re going to find out real fucking soon and watching them realize it is going to be as awesome as the first time 14-year-old-you snuck a peak at some pornography.
This is a different Red Wings team. And I am sure that, watching the Ducks thug their way into an upset of the Sharks last night, they saw a series of nasty, intent-to-injure and intent-to-intimidate hits and smiled to themselves as they watched the Ducks make their way to the penalty box.
Your average dumb penalty, when taken against this Red Wings power play, is approximately 57% dumber. The Ducks jumped out to a 2-0 series lead against the Sharks when Joe Thornton and Co. went 0-for-12 in the first two games of the series with the man advantage.
If there is anybody reading this who thinks that you can give this Red Wings power play 12 chances to score over two games and still win those two games, then I will say this to you, Mr. Pronger: You’re an asshole. Don’t touch me.
If they do that, they will lose. There are ways the Ducks could wrestle this series away from the Wings — if Osgood isn’t at his usual playoff best; or if the Ducks play the trap, stack their potent defence back at the line and wait for mistakes — but there are many more ways the Wings could win it.
A quick review of the players who weren’t wearing Wings uniforms — or who were sitting in the press box — the last time these two teams met. It’s a pretty interesting list.
First of all, just because we were speaking of intimidation, there are these two guys:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhRU8fAb1lU]
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GwxAyS1HIc]
Brad Stuart, Niklas Kronwall: Considering the last time the Wings met the Ducks, Kronwall and Mathieu Schneider were hurt, Chris Chelios was playing major minutes while hurt and our entire blueline consisted of Nicklas Lidstrom and some warm bodies … these guys are somewhat of an upgrade. The very first time that a Duck is unfortunate enough to keep his head down coming out of his own zone or admire a pass as he moves up ice, that’ll be one of those moments of clarity.
Oh, shit. Speaking of defencemen we didn’t have last time, there’s this guy, too:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54jmik941tk]
Of course Jonathan Ericsson can be intimidated! He’s Swedish! Don Cherry told me that all Swedes will back down if you push them.
There is also, since we’re discussing additions, the matter of this little guy named Darren Helm, who I would really like to watch in a reality-TV style documentary. I often wonder if he does everything the same way he plays hockey. I have this mental image of little Darren Helm racing through a Sobey’s, his cart almost-but-not-quite out of control, bouncing off the shelves as he madly grabs cereal, milk, frozen pizza and whatever else he can get his hands on before making a mad dash to cut in front of someone just pulling into line at the cashier, sending them sprawling into the gum rack.
But yeah, Darren Helm isn’t exactly your daddy’s easily-intimidated Red Wing, either:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHoNu5yo-Rw]
I mean, I could go on for a very long time about how different this team is from the one the Ducks remember from 2007. And for sure, the Ducks are different, too. They’ve got better depth on defence with the addition of Ryan Whitney. They’ve got a new goaltender (though it would be tough for any goalie to be better than J.S. Giguere’s been against the Wings over the years, so I don’t know if that’s an upgrade or not). They’ve also got Bobby Ryan, who I should have added up top to the list of Ducks I really like, because I thought he was a bust, but he’s proving that he’s anything but and I love guys who get written off then come back strong.
But the core of the team — Pronger, Niedermayer, Getzlaf, Perry … is pretty much the same.
Oh, Jeez. That reminds me, speaking of the core of the team. I almost forgot a couple of key additions, what with getting so caught up in the intimidation angle.
The last time the Ducks met Johan Franzen in the playoffs, he was a third-liner who killed some penalties and maybe dished out a check or two while playing a mostly defensive role. Now he has 19 playoff goals, eight of them game-winners, a couple of Red Wings franchise records for playoff scoring and a big ol’ dose of confidence that gives him the belief that he can embarrass you with his hands and skating as well as with his size and strength. His play has created an internet meme, and really, you can’t ask for more than that.
Plus, and dammit I cannot remember his name right now, but there’s some other guy on this team that could also make a difference. Crap! What was it? It was kinda like ‘Mule’, but not. A different kind of animal, maybe? This is terribly embarrassing. I mean, the guy is probably pretty popular. Came here as some sort of free agent or something. Shit! It’s on the tip of my tongue and everything … but anyway, that guy, whatever his name is, he might be able to make a difference, too …
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ3tJRzatG4]
Right! That dude! He’s good, too.
Anyway, my whole point — aside from taking the time to find videos that proving how awesome the Red Wings are — was a serious one. I’m not worried about the Ducks. Not at all.
If the opening series against Columbus was indicative of anything, it serves to illustrate how ready Babcock had this team for the playoffs. It’s not the same team that was beat-up, bruised and sent home in 2007. Not only, as I’ve gone to great lengths to display, is it a new cast of characters, it’s a different attitude.
I never thought I’d say this about the Red Wings, because they’re such mild-mannered, respectful people, but there’s a swagger about this team, and I love it.
Chris Osgood, whatever you think of him as a goalie, epitomizes it. They doubt him, so fuck them. He knows he can do it. Nick Lidstrom is going to lose his Norris trophy race this year to Mike Green, who can’t play defence at anywhere close to his level. Pavel Datsyuk is going to lose the Hart trophy to a fellow Russian, despite being the best all-around hockey player in the world right now. Henrik Zetterberg and Johan Franzen signed long-term deals that were questioned in some places because of their respective injury histories. Darren Helm an Jonathan Ericsson have been dogs in a minor-league cage all season. Now that they’re off the leash, you think they’re not starving to prove they’re ready to stay here with the big boys? Marian Hossa has been called a ‘traitor’ in so many places one would think he criticized the Bush administration.
Anaheim knocked off the No. 1 seed and justified their season. The Red Wings still have a big goddamn chip on their collective shoulder. Watch what happens.
53 Comments
April 28th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
gee. your right. ducks beat the #1 team in the nhl, and red wings beat….Columbus? I suppose everyone in the playoffs should pack it up and go home…since the red wings were able to beat (cough) (cough) Columbus. what a resume!
April 28th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Edgar raises an excellent point! Detroit has already beat a superior team to the Ducks. That is what those seed numbers mean, right? That Columbus held the 7th spot while Anaheim just barely made it into the playoffs at all?
Awesome. Looking forward to this series.
April 28th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Hey edgar, cram it in your nutpouch, douche holster. He listed numerous reasons, not “OMG THEY BEAT THE BJS”.
April 28th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
[...] Click here to read the whole post. (WARNING: Language used could offend some readers) Share this post: [...]
April 28th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
LET THE SMACK TALK BEGIN!
Anaheim took the Dead Wings out before… and we’ll do it again. Take that octupi and shove it!
April 28th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Hey Meanderthal, the Ducks have already beaten a superior team to the Red Wings also. What’s your point? We do agree on one thing: looking forward to this series!
April 28th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
[...] each round and each opponent there is always trash talk that comes our way. I especially like this Detroit fan page that breaks down the reasons why we’ll lose by re-introducing us to key players on [...]
April 28th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
ur a fucking idiot man….if u talk u gonna be answered like that…
u guys are fucking scared of the ducks team… u pussys…
u gona watch us win in ur stupid bankrupt fuckyng detroit…
u guys suck…
ur goalie is a piece of shit…
and ur forwards will not move…they like elbow in there face ..the cocksuckers…
ducks sweep the lame detroit
April 28th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Right.
Now I remember why I hate the Red Wings. Their fans are asses too.
April 28th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
anyone can find videos on why a certain team is awesome. youtube is not proof that your team is amazing. the ducks are a hot team right now. also you must know a lot about hockey and the team to not even remember the name of an elite star like marian hossa. the wings may have been the ducks 2 of 3 times this year if i remember correctly, but one of those games was definitely stolen from the ducks with the worst verification for a wings goal ever. ducks took out the #1, and now they will take out the #2
April 28th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
wow ……nice English alin, do they not have public schooling were your from. you sound like the retard Sasquatch #25….YES…..poultry bitches, wings in 6 no wait 5.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Do you really think he didn’t remember Hossa’s name? Seriously?
And Detroit won 3 of 4 against Anaheim, on in overtime. That’s 7 of 8 poins played.
I’m loooking forward to this series. Whoever wins it will be my favorite to the Stanley Cup.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
i answer the way i am asked…
i did bad for answering on this stupid blog from a stupid fan …
my team will answer on the ice….
im sorry it wasnt you in the first round…
regular sezon means nothing…u’ll have the regular seazon to recover next year…
April 28th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
It’s going to be a intense series! Ready or not here we come…Anaheim is in the house!
Can’t wait to see the Ducks knock the snot out of the Red (chicken) Wings!
April 29th, 2009 at 2:25 am
The winner of this series will win the cup. Go Ducks!
April 29th, 2009 at 2:25 am
alin:
The only point you have managed to prove is that you are a complete failure. Not just a failure in school, in sports, and in the eyes of your father….but in life. You wasted 15 minutes typing your comment, because I already forgot what it said. I did happen to notice that you let your 6 year old sister write it. Or did you write it? Actually it probably was you, considering the whole “failure” thing. I also noticed that your comment lacked any sort of logic…that I remember. Let’s go through some of your wisdom:
1. if u talk u gonna be answered like that: This is the internet, which we access through a computer. Thus, we type our thoughts, not talk.
2. u gona watch us win in ur stupid bankrupt fuckyng detroit: I could write an entire article on your pathetic attempt to write this sentence, but your spelling and grammar speaks for itself. Nevertheless, Detroit is not bankrupt. Look it up and do your homework.
3. ur forwards will not move…they like elbow in there face: Why won’t they move? Are they incapable of moving or just refusing to? They must be better than I thought, seeing they swept the Blue Jackets while remaining motionless.
In conclusion, I want to thank you for writing your comment. It gave me the opportunity to look back at my years in elementary school and be thankful I had good teachers and I paid attention. I’m going to print out your comments, put it in a nice frame, and hang it in my office. I will walk by it everyday, read it, laugh, and say to myself: “I’m successful, the Wings won again, and whoever wrote this failed at life.”
April 29th, 2009 at 3:13 am
You’re “bragging” about beating the Sharks? Actually bragging about beating a team that the whole league knows is gonna fold? You beat a team that was #1? lol You’re more screwed up then I thought.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:33 am
How many Wings goals will be disallowed because of Goalie interference?
April 29th, 2009 at 3:45 am
This from some buffon from shit hole detroit. Ducks in 5. Will give you one win at home to keep the natives from rioting and burning down what’s left of your shithole city.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:47 am
This from some buffon from shit hole detroit. Ducks in 5. Will give you one win at home to keep the natives from rioting and burning down what’s left of your shithole city.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:19 am
You mean the Sharks that the about 99% of people picked to win the cup? (of course any Red Wings fan excluded).
Yea, that’s the team that the Ducks just beat. CONVINCINGLY in my opinion. So yea…I think it’s okay to brag about beating the Sharks.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:20 am
Anaheim in 6
Detoilet is about to encounter the big D. It aint going to be pretty for your players, so put your kids to sleep early. We dont want them having nightmares of Pronger, Hiller, the Stache, the RPG line and the rest of the flock dismantleing your teams confidence with all the fore checking they’ll be feeling.
Put your whistle in your pockets refs. May the best team win!
Let’s Go Ducks!
Hard Nose Hockey!
April 29th, 2009 at 4:31 am
Bandwagon Ducks fans dissing the city of Detroit. Wow, that’s got a lot to do with HOCKEY. I won’t even go into how much better this 2009 Wings team is than the 2007 team that barely lost in the 2007 WCF. Or how the Ducks team is worse than the one in 2007 that barely won the WCF. The Wings D back in that series was decimated. Kronwall out. Schneider out. Chelios in and playing 25 minutes a game! It was a recipe for disaster and yet the Wings almost won that series. Ducks in 4? Ducks in 5? You dudes are on acid if you think that the poultry is going to get past Detroit in 4 or 5 games. Seriously, put down the crack and back away slowly. While you’re at it, take some basic english courses and maybe read a hockey rule book.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:32 am
Or maybe in terms you can understand:
U R Stoopid.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
frings:
You are delusional.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
This post made my day - many thanks! You are so right and your post was hilarious. Check out all these haters - awww, so quaint. And look at them pretending to know something about hockey - precious. It ain’t easy being the best damn hockey team around. I, too, f*cking HATE HATE HATE Chris Pronger. His existence lines the whole world up for a cheap shot daily. “Mr. Pronger: You’re an asshole. Don’t touch me.”
And for those hating on the City itself, can you stick to hockey, princess? Otherwise, just know you have no class and you should stuff yourself up the dirty hole that bred your unfortunate life.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
just another small reminder for you loosers
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAeOfl0psaM&hl=en&fs=1]
April 29th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
PRONGER HAS A MESSAGE FOR THE DETROIT WINGS TEAM : CHECK OUT MY NEW ELBOW…
LET’S GO DUCKS…
April 29th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
What are you a god damn cave man? Reading yoru post is one step away from listening to a dog taking a crap. I’m serious man, you got some IQ issues. Know what IQ stands for? Come on, answer it to yourself right now! You know you don’t have a clue. Fucking loser, it stands for Intelligence Quotion.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
i would like to apologize to my team ANAHEIM DUCKS and all the ducks fans for answering some crazy psychopath ( for the people who sugested that my answer was not about hockey and that i didn’t use nice words, read the post again)…
we are the best fans..the best thing about orange county games is that you take your childrens to the games and they don’t learn bad words or cursing..
i love the ducks and i am very positive that they will win..
detroit has a great hockey team but ducks will succed..
goodluck ducks and let’s enjoy a great battle
April 29th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Why is it that the people who bash Detroit (the city more often than not) are illiterate?
This should be a good series, because the Ducks are built for the playoffs. They sucked all year, squeaked into the playoffs, and because of that lack of effort, are obviously refreshed coming into the playoffs. However, Detroit took it easy coming in too, and if you think your one line is going to dominate a 4 line deep Red Wing team, you’re dreaming.
Wings in 6.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
why are u deleting the comments….u dont want the people to see where you live and what a successful person you are…
if you have an open post..don’t be afraid succesful man…
and if thats what your teachers teach to write your post then i am ok with you being in the right spot…
don’t be so scared man…
don’t be so scared of people knowing you are just a successful bitch ..let the people search on google for the most f’ up cities in usa….
then print that page and put in your office, your wallet and say: i should have study more, i shouldnt have drink the ink, and i should have been a successful person and live in orange county california..
got it phicho?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CwnYJGOvJQ&hl=en&fs=1]
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaTOR3lbeQ4&hl=en&fs=1]
April 29th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Good article. The Wings will prevail. The Ducks simply do not match up to the power or depth of the Wings.
Wings in 6.
P.S. I wonder what percentage of you who sit on your computers all day name calling and talking trash are virgins….. probably 99% (A hole in your mattress doesn’t count).
April 29th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Hey alin,
I deleted one of your posts because the language and sentiment in it were so offensive as to be bordering on hateful.
But I left the rest of your nearly-incoherent ramblings intact, so please don’t cry about censorship.
For future reference, by the way, I don’t live in Detroit. Neither do a lot of Red Wings fans. It’s not very smart to judge a team by its city or its fans solely by the ones you encounter on the Internet. I mean, had I done that, I might have assumed all Ducks fans were spiteful, possibly retarded and mostly illiterate. Thankfully, I don’t think that of all Ducks fans. That’s just what I think of you.
April 29th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
jordanhr,
you should delete your post also…
because “the language and sentiment in it is offensive as to be bordering on hateful”, just to quote you…
for me as a ducks fan games against detroit are the best…
and i know if we bit you guys will have the 2nd cup..so for me this is the stanley cup final…
i know u can right a better post than this crap but it was fun making comments on that…
see u friday at the game…i will be behind ducks bench
April 29th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
99%? Really? SK you can not honestly believe that a large percentage of people picked the sharks to go the distance, especially not as the playoffs began. A hot team beat a team that is notorious for folding under pressure, congratulations!
April 29th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
i think some of the people did a great job answering this stupid post…i think the language doesn’t have nothing to do with hockey….
detroit has a good team but they are not unbeatable
ducks in 6
April 29th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
i think some of the people did a great job answering this stupid post…i think the language doesn’t have nothing to do with hockey….
detroit has a good team but they are not unbeatable
ducks in 6
April 29th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
i will like to ask you where are half off your playeras from…
how come some off them don’t take their hats when the usa national anthem is sang in the beginning of a game (example hasek )…
this article is offensive and it has nothing to do with hockey..
detroit is the favourite against any nhl team ..but they will loose again..
ducks in 6
April 29th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
i read some of your posts…i have to say : you are using a better and normal way to express your thoughts…
i can say you love the red wings..but you are a litle bit exagerated when you write “Soon we will return to juvenile rants about why the Detroit Red Wings are God’s gift to hockey”
That makes me come back to the idea that something inside of your brain is not functioning right…maybe some screws are missing…
my other sugestion will be that you are so afraid off the anaheim ducks that you have to use cursing words in your post…
you can’t stop or pain from 2003 and 2007..you can’t stop being afraid..you can’t stop those nightmares about the ducks..
unfortunatly for you jordanhr, you will add more nightmares after this series
April 29th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
I am a 17 year old kid who had enjoyed and played the game of hockey since i was 4 years old. I just want to say that all of you ADULTS are completely ridiculous. None of you are professional hockey players and do not play for the Wings or the Ducks, you are just FANS. There is nothing you can do to control the outcome of the game and as fans we just sit and watch and cheer for our team. There is absolutely no reason to hold quarrels between other fans. Grow Up.
Go WINGS!!!!
April 29th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Dude your a moron.
Bankrupt Detroit at least has a sports team that has existed for 20 plus years.
Your franchise is a joke and started because of a Disney movie. You think were scared of your elbows?
You guys prolly run promotions like hannah montana doll give ways just to fill your seats.
Your team is full of a bunch of classless trash like yourself.
The Wings have class and had the greatest captain in sports history followed by Nicky Lidstrom best european defenseman of all time and being the only euro born captain to win a cup.
Wings in 5…. Guaranteed.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Have you not noticed that the ducks aren’t the same team since 2007? What a bunch of rambling about nothing!!! We’ll see who’s the better team!
April 29th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
The Wings are, once again, playing amazing. If we keep this up we might have to ask Anaheim if we can borrow some of their unused rafter space for all of our banners.
Maybe after the season is over you guys can come in and try to scoop up some of our leftover players again.
Let’s be honest here- the Ducks don’t have what it takes to win a championship, end of argument..
April 29th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
He finally wore out the old one hitting people from behind?
April 30th, 2009 at 2:38 am
Great Article, let’s not forget that petty penalty the ref called in game 5 in 2007 on Lady Byng winner Pavel Datsyuk that enabled the Ducks to tie the game with less then 2 min left. Makes top 10 worst calls in playoff history!
April 30th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
or let’s not forget the way u guys swept columbus…with a penalty that never existed…
May 1st, 2009 at 2:34 am
OK, you are an idiot. Have you ever read the rule book? This issue is NOT whether Modin jumped out early…..the issue is that Modin PLAYED THE F**KING PUCK after jumping out too early. Say the Wings hadn’t scored on the PP and the game went to OT……who’s to say which team would have won anyway? Had the BJ’s won, I can gurantee you that the series would have been over after Game 5. It’s posters like you that give hockey (the entire sport) a bod name. Clueless dumbells who spout off about things they really have no understanding about.
May 1st, 2009 at 2:35 am
gurantee = guarantee
bod = bad
For you “spelling police” who are going to dis my typos.
May 1st, 2009 at 4:55 pm
free red wings at every bar tonight in anaheim….
dude calm down with ur red wings..
they are good..but it doesnt mean the ducks can’t beat the shit out of them
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Ha ha. Looks like Corry (I’ve got a big mouth, I’m a chickensh*t and I won’t fight” Perry got tossed around like a 3 dollar hooker. Big Rig punched him about 4 time in the face…..maybe he’ll keep his prissy little mouth shut now and stop taking cheap gloved shots are people. Big Rig WILL take him out again.
May 6th, 2009 at 5:21 am
Way to go Ducks. Bullshit goalie interference goals, and getting Wings goals called back because the ref is a moron. Your ‘luck’ is not going to last. I hope you enjoyed your empty victory.
May 6th, 2009 at 6:11 am
don’t be a sore loosers you idiot….
detroit is gone….lost forever..
Leave a Reply