dirtygames.ca

Like so many other Canadians, and citizens in countries around the world, I offer my profound thanks to the American electorate for making the right decision. After the past eight years, a lot of us doubted you could arise from what seemed a collective stupor in time to act to preserve the ideals of the nation that, when handled properly, is truly the world’s most inspiring state.

That said — there are still more than 55 million rednecks, retards, racists and recidivists that deserve nothing but scorn and derision. They were the folks represented by those dudes who felt the time was right to boo every mention of their next president during John McCain’s concession speech last night.

To those 55 million people, and especially to the idiots who proudly declared their unabashed ignorance and pettiness during an historic live television broadcast, I as: Why do you hate America? Why are you not supporting your new President? Your nation is at WAR, remember? I thought criticism of the president during wartime was treasonous. Fox News taught me that!

I can’t ever remember being as proud of something I had nothing to do with than I am today. I’m still not sure how I feel about it all (okay, that’s a lie, I’m happy as fuck and I can’t stop grinning, but a picture of me looking like a blissful fool wouldn’t make a good blog post). What I mean is that I am at a loss for words. I can only hope that one day I get to feel the same way casting a ballot for somebody as huge majority of you guys did last night.

If that happens, that will mean my country got something right. Just as yours has done.

But this post is not about waxing poetic on the meaning of this historic event. That will come tomorrow, when hopefully I have a littl perspective.

No — this post is about being juvenile. It is about being an ungracious winner. It is about schadenfreude, revelling in the pain ofa long despised enemy and dancing on the carcass of the freshly-slain dragon.

Oh! I’m gonna have so much fun! I’m heading back to freeperville (aka FreeRepublic.com) to take in the sights and sounds of what a Bush-lovin’, Mavericky, Right-Wingin’ bunch of startlingly undereducated adults get a taste of their own medecine.

What follows has not been edited, except where poor spelling and grammar made it nearly unintelligible. Other than that, these are Republicans — self-proclaimed patriotic, country-first, God-fearing, Christian Republicans — reacting to the news that CNN has declared Barack Obama (”that one!”) the President Elect of the United States of America.

I will also attempt (remembering that I did pay to go to journalism school and that one should not wholly abandon fairness even in the spirit of juvenile victory celebrations) to display examples of Freepers who appear concillatory and willing to stand behind their new president. I do not expect much, but we shall see.

My comments are in parantheses. As you can see, most of these America-lovin’ folks are as classy in defeat as they were in victory. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

• I think reality TV started the decline of our culture. Seriously, when people like William Hung can be mega celebrities, something is wrong!

• My tears are for the nation and for the babies who will die as a result of this election. (No. Your tears are for me, and everyone like me who had to suffer through the time when people as backwards as you thought the world’s most important country was moving in the “right” direction. And your tears are as sweet as well-aged mead.)
• And to think Michelle Obama will be the first lady. Why do I have a feeling many people are going to wake up tomorrow and think “my God, what have we done?” The scandals Obama brings with him are going to make the Clintons look like saints. I believe Obama will eventually be ousted in disgrace. Are America’s enemies dancing in the streets yet? (If by “enemies” you mean, people who hated the fact that your ilk ever had a controlling voice in American foreign policy … then yes. Yes. We. Are.)
• I’m also seriously entertaining the idea that Obama may indeed be THE Anti-Christ. Nothing else explains the mass hypnosis effect among the sheeple. If so, be ready, for the Lord draweth nigh. (Wow.)
• Kiss, hug and tell all your family they love you. FReepers will be the first to go. Can’t allow any opposition to the New World Order. (It is this type of comment that makes me wish that this type of comment was true, if that makes any sense.)

• I have the post hammered feeling and I don’t even drink. But right now, I wish my stomach could take it. I lost my best girl friend over this election and have no shoulder to cry on because she’s probably jumping for joy over our new Marxist overlord. (I am so goddamn happy for this dude’s ex-girlfriend right now.)

That felt really good. Now hopefully all Americans can put partisanship aside and get behind President-Elect Obama. Right?