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In our ceaseless quest to forcibly inject literature and poetry into the realm of professional sports, we are returning to the poignant haiku and the always-amusing limerick as a means of eloquently and succinctly previewing the coming season for every NHL team.

After all, if you can’t sum up a team’s potential in 17 syllables or a catchy rhyme scheme, then it’s not worth discussing. But we can, and we will, and we’ll do one division every couple of days for the next week or two.

We’ll begin with the NHL’s contribution to the ‘weakest division in sports’ debate: The Southeast Division

Last season:

1. Washington Capitals — 94 points
2. Carolina Hurricanes — 92 points
3. Florida Panthers — 85 points
4. Atlanta Thrashers — 75 points
5. Tampa Bay Lightning — 71 points

This season:

1. Washington Capitals
2. Carolina Hurricanes
3. Tampa Bay Lightning
4. Florida Panthers
5. Atlanta Thrashers

Washington Capitals

Ovie’s Russian friends

Make his winter happier

Theodore still sucks

_______________

There was an ex-MVP ‘tender

Who tended to go on a bender

But he wouldn’t sip drinks,

he’d just fail at the rinks,

and be chained to the bench by December

Carolina Hurricanes

Now that Staal is signed

what more can we fret about?

Oh right, the defence

_______________

The Cup win is now three years gone

the fanbase is starting to yawn

‘Give us a contender,

or we might not remember

that hockey’s not played on a lawn.’

Tampa Bay Lightning

Franchise was remade

by ambitious millionaires

Not by hockey guys

_______________

A talented skater named Vinny

embarrassed his teammates at shinny,

to the point that they said,

while hanging their heads,

‘It’s clear now — he’s macro, we’re mini.’

Florida Panthers

Come to Florida!

Play some hockey and some golf!

Be home by April!

—————

It’s a tough life, being a Panther

and Bryan McCabe is not the answer

This ex-Leaf won’t aid

your team’s crusade

In fact, he’s a locker-room cancer

Atlanta Thrashers

Fall brings newborn hope

Hope that quickly disappears

when jerseys are donned

_______________

If a team plays in the ‘A’

and to see them nobody will pay,

do they even exist?

If they leave, are they missed?

Or can we just move them away?