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Since the latest movie opens this week and the final Harry Potter book is only a few weeks away, it seems like a suitable time to smack the little boy wizard back to his rightful place. Just so he doesn’t get out of line.

In a poll taken in Britain, Harry Potter is only the third-best wizard ever (though how a 17-year-old is better than fucking Merlin, I can’t understand). Still, throughout my enjoyment of the entire Potter series, the one thing that runs through my mind is that Dumbledore — nice, kind and goodly wizard that he is — couldn’t carry Gandalf’s jock. And the English people have come through for me.

For more on this great battle, you can read commentary from an awesome site that used to narrate epic battles like this all the time.

In other Potter-related news (I know that’s why half of you come here):

• Some people have taken geekdom to a whole new level by creating ‘wizard rock’ in which “each (band) chooses a character from J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter stories and writes songs from that character’s perspective.” The show organizer claims that “There’s never been anything like this before,”but clearly she missed out on both the Lords of the Rhymes as well as the classic Star Wars Rap. Draco and the Malfoys score points with me, however, for what is now my favourite wizard-rock song title: “My Dad is Rich, Your Dad is Dead.”
• Also, Daniel Radcliffe is staying away from female actresses, because they are “insane”. In other words, Emma Watson told him to fuck right off. Also, Radcliffe warns that you cannot call him Harry Potter during sex, or he will kick you out of bed. Can I still call him ‘horsey-boy’, then? Is that still cool, Dan?
• For the hardcore geeks out there, lots of people have been wondering if Snape was hiding under an invisibility cloak while Voldemort killed Harry’s parents. Rowling says that, “No, he wasn’t.”